Christmas Dollar Grillz y'all

The oven is full but there's still meat to be cooked! What to do? Fire up the grill and get'r done! And no this ain't Christmas in the South - Southern Hemisphere, I mean. This be the North, foo, and dang it's cold!

Don't need no jacket. Don't need no hat. Just my invisible tongs and meat.

So I brought my camera out too late and the meat was already off the grill and grilling tools put away. I didn't realize this until I looked at the picture after I'd taken it and saw that I was being mime-grilled. But you can see the tupperware at the bottom where the meat was being marinated, and that hazy fog? -Why none other than SMOKE FROM THE GRILL! It happened, I swear it did.

So dry.

It's so dry here, the skin on my stomach is dry. Yes, the scaly snakeskin on my shins has migrated to my belly.

Discuss.

Taiwanese Cabbage!

As a member of a frequently mis-and-underrepresented people, I am always excited (and wary) when I see some form of the word "Taiwan" anywhere. But Taiwanese cabbage at superstore in the Bush - nothing wrong with that! Let me at it! 

I don't see it...

Clearly I, or Superstore, or both of us have no idea what a Taiwanese cabbage is. From this display, I would think it was a white carrot, but different from a daikon. Except that I thought a Taiwanese cabbage was a cabbage. Because we eat cabbage all the time. Delicious stewed and salty plain cabbage... mmmm. What's going on? Damn you superstore... this is like when you had the sign for fresh mint over the parsley, and made me furiously dig under everything looking for fresh mint, when clearly there was never any to be had. 

The end.

Merry Christmas!

Cats love Christmas.

"That tree is sparkly."
"I'm smelling you now."

"Look, Simba - everything the light touches is our kingdom."
"Outside scares me."

Oh, hi there. I was just about to explain the circle of life to my friend.

Cats love Christmas. And The Lion King.

Also please notice my effects on the pictures.

Saskatoon to host the Olympics!

I mean, Saskatoon to host the finals of the Saskatoon Open in Squash, which I guess it always does, and actually it's already over!

And by popular demand, here is the link to the story: http://www.theage.com.au/sport/alexander-wins-second-title-in-a-week-20111129-1o511.html

An Australian won.
Can't even win our own opens.

Boomtown Pt 2

The pumpkin is pureed and draining, so now it's time to power through. You won't want to miss the grand finale, so stick with me!

Inbred and bored - is this a realistic portrayal of children at the time?
Now, debate!

Mud house? Oh it's just packed in mud. I'll take it.

A nod to the germaphobe Japanese settlers. Really should be less of a nod and more of a bow with your hands forming a triangle and your forehead touching the ground, though. 

Oh my god. I'm so sorry. Your life is terrible.
And I read inside your mud house that your husband left you for some slutty widow.

Fast forward to 2005 and let's give thanks to your settler ancestors.
Now line up for your BBQ!

Boomtown! Saskaboom? Saskabush!

Boomtown! Saskatoon, 1910.
Saskaboom! Saskatoon, 2009.
Saskabush! A website with no content, or maybe just if you're on chrome. But more importantly, the here and now, 2011.

Yesterday afternoon I took a trip to the Western Development Museum with my roommate. Thanks UBC student card! I got myself $1.75 off the regular admission price.

When you walk into the museum, they've set up a replica of the old Boomtown, probably the way it looked back in 1910, complete with bleached blonde ladies of the night and their portly male patrons. They were all called, "settlers."

it's blurry for your own good

We didn't realize we were coming in on the last day of their Christmas Tree festival, so the place was pretty packed (for Saskatoon), but lucky for us, it meant that with the extended business hours, we would have longer than the anticipated 45 minutes to spend there! We were very glad. At the end of the recreated street, there was a man with an orange tan and heavy stage make-up singing, "O Holy Night" and a woman in a beaded black wrap (AND THAT'S ALL!) using the instrumental breaks in her songs to talk to the audience of 8 senior citizens in 60 fold-up chairs. I didn't take any pictures of the performers though since I'm genuine and welcoming and not rude.

 The museum reminded me a bit of Taiwan Storyland, although obviously, lamer. 

Let's look at some photos!

A smithy! He is a real person. Or, an excellent robot.

In the general store, the local setllers would come to discuss...

Probably how terrible their lives were.

Children ran the post office.

No child labour laws in the days of Dr. Quinn!

Old-timey candies shaped as mice. And LSD. 

The mice look more appetizing if you drop the acid first.

Tinned goods and bananas. Bananas help you plow better.

Medicine including  baby laxatives. Probably just made of bananas.

How exciting! One of the original RCMP, before they were even known as the RCMP!
He's hard at work, about to arrest some outlaw - oh wait, let's read the provided description - 

 

Fair enough.

This, I actually did like. ANNE SHIRLEY COULD HAVE SMASHED
HER SLATE OVER GILBERT BLYTHE'S HEAD IN A CLASSROOM LIKE THIS!

I went inside expecting to see some long braids coming out from underneath round caps and was severely disappointed. All they had was an abacus. Time WASTED.

Not trains, not cars, but TRACTORS! The true heroes of the prairies!

Blogger is making me upset and I'm getting bored so you probably are too. I'm going to go puree a pumpkin now.

It's Christmas!

In one month. Ha ha, fooled you, right? You thought it was Christmas RIGHT NOW!

Well I heard that Mariah Carey song on the radio for the first time this year earlier this week, and I went to the Boomtown Museum today where I saw the most charming nativity scene of my life, which inspired me to share it here on the internets:

Baby Jebus was born in a well-ventilated room

Close up of his peeps on the left.

Don't forget the asses! Ha-HAAAA!

Really though, they couldn't just turn the horses around? What's up with that? I learned that when a horse presents its rear to you, that it's disrespecting you! Don't let them basashi disrespect you, foo'! 

So the nativity scene... meh I guess you had to be there.

Merry Christmas, everyone!

Stay off the West Side!

You're no Cookie Kwan/Margaret Wang, Mr. Dave Price.

"Uh, well like, my last name is Price? 

So I named my husband/wife team Team Price?

And then I decided that our slogan would be 'The Price is Right?'

Because my last name is Price? Right?"

Your ad is on the side of a garbage bin, you have clearly stolen your logo word-for-word from an extremely popular and very long-running TV show, and look at yourself. Just look. 

"And then like, I pulled my collar out as far as it would go over my jacket?

And I wish you could see, because like, I'm wearing white socks too? 

To match the shirt? 

But the photographer was all like, 'A head shot is more professional?'"

And Dave, why do you talk like that? It sounds like everything you say is a question. Lower your tone at the end of a statement. Go down, not up. 

validation

You can give out these cards to your coworkers at the 'Bux when you think they're doing a good job. I am welcoming and genuine. I am a good person. 

Better than Pokemon Cards! Trade with your friends! Collect all 150!

We are the Borg.

We all have electric cars here in the Bush. Isn't that cool? 

I know you're not fooled. The plug-in is to keep the engine warm overnight. How comzy.

What happens in Diva's...

Diva's is one of the gay bars here in the Bush. Yes, one of. Amazing I know! I was there for a drag show, which wasn't as sad as you might imagine, but also no where near the glory of Unity circa when I was 19. 

Anyway, this was a poster Diva's had on their toilet stall door, advertising their F asterisk Me Fridays. Do they play hangman? Hide and Go Seek?

Q: What happens in Diva's?

If you answered, "Free WiFi," you get a gold F asterisk!

Who put my name up there?

I guess it's all about customer service, so you can even more easily identify the one who is screwing up your heavily marked-up beverage.

Ruh-oh...

A Jaunty Tune

I apologize in advance for the poor quality pictures in this post and all future posts, but when you come across something that needs to be documented, like this bronze statue on Broadway Ave, and all you've got is your phone, you just make it work!

We are celebrating the arts here!

Jaunty!

Jaunty-est! 

Even jauntier from the other side, in a crop top, hot shorts, headband, and ankle boots. When I'm immortalized in bronze, I hope I get to choose what outfit I'm wearing. Hot shorts beats cowboy hat for sure.

the horror

Last night

This morning

Is it here to stay? Only time will tell.

Well played

You're right, it's not all landfills and parking lots here. There are also some nice spots that I discovered around town. Here are a few:

mini arboretum at the art gallery 

University Bridge - 

Anytime you see a picture of the "city" of Saskatoon, it usually has this bridge in it,  

although I doubt any of you have ever seen a shot of Saskatoon.

historic Berry Barn, right?

And Saskatoon's all-time Number One amazingest spot:

...And cut by Sir John A MacDonald. Lucky stone!

I bet Calgary has a stone laid by Pierre Elliot Trudeau, rockstar of Canadian politics. Damn Calgary gets all the good stuff. Did you know that Calgary is Saskatoon's arch nemesis? 

In Da Club

Happy Halloween from the Bush! I went to da club, and by da club I mean the one that shares the parking lot with Timmy Ho's. There were a lot of hos and pimps out that night, both sexy and so unsexy it was spooky. Way to capture that Halloween spirit, folks!

"Gosh darn-it I forgot my Halloween costume!"

Mirror Improv

Rehearsal in the bathtub.

No, look at me!

The Berry Barn

The madre is gone now, but I will continue to post about her visit. As you may have seen on facebook, I took her to a place that advertised itself as the best in Saskatoon hospitality. This place was The Berry Barn. 

A barn! Or is it...

It was on a nice spot by the South Saskatchewan River, and to get there we drove by many farms, other Berry Barn-esque businesses, and the landfill.

"Any open houses in the area?" -Mother Wang

I actually live pretty close to the landfill. Handy if I need to find a bunch of seagulls to lasso to my giant peach!

Keeping informed

Went on a walk with the m-unit around campus the other day when I suddenly found myself strolling alone on the sidewalk. I looked around and there was the madre, intently studying a parking lot regulations sign. 

"Anyway, good to know."

My own car was parked on the street off campus.

Larry David

I see this in every parking lot I've been to, which is many here in the bush - black belt parking skills.

Fitting into this tight space must have been hard. 

Bravo, sir!

Life Dilemma

I am facing a huge life dilemma* - where should I work part-time during the day?

Option 1: lowly barista at Starbucks, making 15 cents above minimum wage. But I get to drink all the free coffee I want while I'm on shift!

Option 2: working lunch shifts at a "high-end" Japanese restaurant downtown. Here is a link to a most hilarious review... If you don't know which one I'm referring to, then I guess you'll never know because I won't tell you since it should be obvious. OK FINE it's the one left by EricaH.

Option 3: working the front desk at the Holiday Inn! If Snoop Dogg were to pass through town, he'd chill there, right? Except that it's a Holiday Inn Express, and I think part of my job would be to drive the shuttle bus between the airport and the hotel. Fun? Embarrassing? Awesome?

Because let's be honest, I am competing against high school students for these jobs, and ain't no one going to out-compete a high school student for their job like me.

Wouldn't it be fantastical to have to wear a stiff kimono while serving? And I could go really go all out and paint my face white and draw my eyebrows in an inch above where they really are, and make my hair into the shape of a peach so that I show off the sexy back part of my neck. Because according to the creepy guy who wrote Memoirs of a Geisha, people LO-OVE them some peach neck cleavage.


*not actually a dilemma

Food & Fashion

May I present to you a feast for the eyes and body!

Item 1.

Fresh greens, boiled in tap water and seasoned with boiled tap water:

Delicious.

Item 2.

Purple on purple on purple, with a necktie.

Say cheese! 

Sure that's fine too.